


Good Tidings

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Series: The Domesticity Arc [14]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Curtain Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a year-and-a-half of officially being together, Leorio and Kurapika do what is possibly the stupidest thing they've ever done in the history of their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Tidings

**Author's Note:**

> Christmas gift for Chrislea, 2006.

After a year-and-a-half of being officially together, Leorio and Kurapika do what is probably the stupidest thing they've ever done in the history of their relationship:

They stop having sex.

***

It starts with Kurapika being a girl, as most of their fights do. Of course, Leorio muses, it's probably partly his fault, too. He's busy at the hospital, day in and day out; Kurapika is whisked from one party to another, keeping up the Yamada appearance.

Last year, it wasn't this bad. This year, they haven't a moment together -- and it's frustrating. They have become spoiled; accustomed to making love at least once, almost every night... well, needless to say, they are taking this sudden dry spell very badly.

Or at least, Leorio is. Between prescriptions, Leorio squeezes his head and brainstorms a solution to all this missed time. _Maybe we could go away for a weekend? Use our upcoming vacation time and fly somewhere?_ Christmas is coming, after all. Surely he and Kurapika deserve the same privacy every other couple in the city is getting.

When Friday finally rolls around, Leorio comes home to an empty house. Kurapika will not be home until Saturday morning. No Beer and Onigiri Night. No sex. This makes fourteen _whole days_ , and is unacceptable.

So when Kurapika stumbles into the apartment, he ends up flat against the door, and it's only a full minute later that he manages to push Leorio away.

"I'm _tired,_ " he whines.

Leorio is not having it. "But it's been _two weeks_ ," he whines back.

The blond stares at him. "... Only two weeks," he points out. "And we've been so busy. You're acting like we've been abstaining for a year."

"I am not," Leorio grumbles, ignoring Kurapika's pointed glance down to where he's pressing their waists tightly together. "What are you saying, exactly? That I'm the only one who misses the sex?"

"I didn't say _that_ ," Kurapika replies tersely. He continues as he gently pushes past Leorio, "Just that you're the one who seems to need it to survive."

Leorio isn't having _that_ , either. He stops the blond's escape with an arm around his waist. It would seem like the beginning of something rough, if Kurapika were in any way intimidated by him. "You're cruel," he growls. "Aren't you off this weekend? What's a little lost sleep?" He pulls Kurapika against him, pushes the bulge of his erection against the blond's bottom.

"Actually," his lover confesses, "little Aiko wants to go shopping for her family tomorrow -- ah, today. So they don't see what she's buying them, she asked me to escort her. It's paid time," he puts in quickly, though Leorio knows he would have done it even without the money. "And we can't go too late; she is young."

"If you're going to be busy this weekend, then I'm not wasting time!" He drops his free hand between Kurapika's thighs. The blond isn't totally uninterested, which just makes Leorio angry. "Thought you were tired?"

"I am." Kurapika turns his nose up despite the insistent groping. "But _you_ can't seem to go without."

"No," Leorio agrees, and then he gets rough.

***

Not ten minutes later, there is a trail of discarded clothing leading all the way to the bedroom. They secretly pride themselves on their feast-or-famine approach to foreplay, and they end up stubbing toes and tripping over their own feet before they reach the unmade bed.

"Still too tired?" Leorio asks snidely. He smirks down from where he's settled across Kurapika's hips.

It's hard to look bored and uninterested when Leorio is sitting on his cock, but Kurapika manages it. He raises an eyebrow. "Are you done? I have things to do in the morning."

And for a moment, he's _certain_ Leorio is going to hit him. He would take it, too, because that was out of line -- and they really shouldn't be doing this. They're annoyed with one another, Kurapika is tired and snappish, Leorio is frustrated and overworked....

But all Leorio does is sneer, offended. "Why are you being such an asshole tonight?" He's moving even as he demands.

"I'm--" his voice catches, " _not_ \-- trying--"

Leorio pauses, pants. "And shut up, I _don't_ need sex to survive." He punctuates this by controlling a particularly hard thrust.

It makes Kurapika gasp. "Could've fooled _me_ ," he manages. "It's only been two weeks, and you dragged me off to--ah!"

Leorio smirks again. "Don't want you falling asleep on me," he quips. "And I bet I _could_ live without sex -- for a while," he adds. He reaches out, prying one of Kurapika's hands away from the sheets to entwine their fingers.

" _I_ bet you couldn't," Kurapika counters breathlessly, and is ashamed of the mewling protest he makes when Leorio gets off of him.

"You have so little faith in me." Leorio's voice is husky and he's on all fours now, hands on either side of Kurapika's head. They aren't touching.

Kurapika rectifies this. "Because I know you spend almost every waking moment catering to _his_ wishes." He takes hold of his lover's ignored erection and lets Leorio know he hasn't forgotten it.

Leorio's expression is a war between desire and dismay. "You make it sound like my dick controls me."

"It doesn't?" Kurapika muses, and he's wriggling down the mattress and take care of things when Leorio's voice stops him.

"I'd like to take you up on that bet."

"Hmm?" Kurapika wonders. He's eye-level with Leorio's waist, and traces short fingernails up the back of one thigh. "I would win."

"I'm remarkably determined," Leorio points out, though he is shuddering just from the simple touch. "What does the winner get?"

"Good question." Kurapika thinks about it, moving slick fingers and listening to Leorio's staggered breathing. He knows exactly where Leorio's prostate is. "How about the winner gets anything he wants from the loser?"

"Possibilities are endless," Leorio gasps.

"Yes," Kurapika agrees, moving back up the mattress.

"Since -- fuck, why did you stop? -- we're already here, let's start counting days starting tomorrow. Let's..." Leorio trails off, licks his lips.

Kurapika gives him a half-lidded look. "Only if you finish what you started."

***

"You did _what?_ " Killua demands, staring incredulously at his two -- very stupid -- best friends.

Kurapika is ignoring him, curled up on the couch with a book. It's Leorio who answers, "We made a bet on how long we could go without sexual contact."

Killua stares at him. After a long silence, he finally replies, "You guys realize this is the stupidest thing you've ever done, right?"

Beside Killua, Gon nods empathetically. "That means you aren't having sex?"

"We aren't doing anything," Leorio explains. " _Anything._ "

"No touching at all?" Killua asks.

"Not even kissing," Leorio adds. He folds his arms, looks resolute. "It's a challenge of the highest caliber!"

"Maybe for you," Kurapika mutters from the couch. If he sees the nasty look Leorio gives him, he doesn't rise to the bait.

"Well, it might not be the same as having someone else touch you, or being inside your lover," Killua winces at Gon's frankness, "or having him inside you, but you guys are still masturbating, right?"

Leorio blinks. Kurapika coughs delicately before looking up from his book to answer. "That's part of the bet."

Gon gapes. "Wh-what?! Really?! No _masturbating_?!"

"Pipe down, dummy," Killua says hastily, whacking Gon over the back of the head. "The whole building will know."

"But--"

"The point is," Kurapika explains, "to see who can go the longest without an orgasm, or _any_ kind of contact that can lead to one."

"But," Gon ventures, "how are you monitoring things?" At their puzzled looks, he adds, "Well, who's making sure one of you isn't masturbating behind the other's back?"

Kurapika makes a face. "Oh, come on, we would never."

"It's an honor system," Leorio puts in. He pumps a fist into the air. "And I won't lose to this guy! I'll wait until he _begs_ for it!"

"You'll be waiting a long time."

"If you want to make things really hard," Killua throws in wickedly, "don't just abstain. Watch erotica together."

***

Later, back in their own apartment, Gon and Killua are partaking in the very activities their friends are denying themselves.

"Leorio and Kurapika sure are stupid," Gon comments once they collapse.

"Yeah," Killua agrees, wondering how Gon can be so coherent. He closes his eyes and listens to his lover's pants.

Gon shifts, and drops a kiss on his shoulder. "Maybe we should do it, too."

Killua is suddenly wide-awake. "What did you just say?"

"Abstinence bet!"

He rolls back over, forcing Gon to get off him, and stares at his lover. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Gon defends himself, "I just think it would be cool to drive each other crazy! You know, see how long we could go without it."

"You're as stupid as they are," Killua mutters. "They're only seeing this through because they were fighting during sex, and both of them are too stubborn to back down and forget it."

"That's true," Gon mumbles. "Kurapika is usually the more sensible one, too."

Killua snorts. "It's a bad combination: The more sensible one is the one who would never admit he likes bending over. They're going to be at this for _weeks,_ and _we're_ going to have to put up with them."

Gon grins. "I take it you don't want to try the same challenge."

He reaches between Gon's thighs and takes hold of what's his. "Don't you _even._ If we're going crazy, who's going to baby-sit the morons upstairs?"

***

The first two weeks pass without incident. They are working almost 'round the clock, so they don't really have time to worry too much about the dried-up well that is their sex life. Life at home is rife with thinly veiled taunts and they take turns sleeping on the couch to avoid curling up together overnight.

"Hey," Leorio wonders after the first week has passed, "what about wet dreams? Do they count as sexual?"

Kurapika thinks about it, and shakes his head. "No, we can't do anything about those. It isn't fair to count them."

"Oh, good." He makes to go back to wiping the counter.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Kurapika asks abruptly.

It's a tough question, because he has everything he could ever want right here. Then again, "I want you..." he narrows his eyes, "... to admit that you want me to do you on the table right now."

Kurapika stares at him, mug half-raised to his lips, and bursts out laughing. "Nice try. You'll have to do better than that. Did I tell you I found the vibrators?" he asks, and then his tongue does something illegal to the rim of the mug, catching the coffee that escaped while he was chuckling.

Leorio sneers at the display. "Oh, _fuck you._ "

"You _could_ ," the blond retorts, "if you'd admit this is killing you." He smirks.

"Not a chance in hell."

***

While shopping for Killua's Christmas present, Gon observes that Kurapika is different. His expression is harder, he frowns more, and he's snappish if you catch him off-guard. Sex, he determines, affects so many things about a person.

After the blond's unenthusiastic approval of the fuzzy pink handcuffs, Gon ventures, "Uh, how is your, um, not-masturbating thing going?"

"Huh?" Kurapika blinks at him, clearly coming out of a daze. "Oh, I'm king of the castle."

"Really?" Gon looks at him harder, concerned. "Because you look kind of... uptight."

"I'm fine." This comes a little too quickly.

Gon is suddenly glad Killua forbid them to try this abstinence thing.

***

By the end of the third week, things get progressively worse. With couples planning holiday getaways all over the hospital, Leorio has to remind himself to be calm, to wait it out, to _not lose._ No matter how it seemed sometimes, Kurapika really was human, and has the same needs and wants as any human.

It's much worse, he thinks, because they are betting. If they weren't so determined _not_ to have sex, it might not be this difficult.

Kurapika thinks he's clever, and starts to spend his nights on the couch naked, so that the first thing Leorio sees in the morning is his lover's natural talent. So Leorio starts wandering around the apartment naked after he showers, making a show of looking for a certain pair of socks or boxers, so that Kurapika covers his face with a book and makes some kind of strangled noise.

***

Killua never thought that he would have to hear about what Kurapika can do with a spoon. He is wrong.

"Don't worry," Killua consoles, punching Leorio lightly in the arm, "Gon and I will have sex in your honor."

"Thanks," the older man replies wryly.

"So..." he ventures, "aside from all the obscene things you're doing to cutlery, how are things?"

"I'm not going to lose!" This comes with renewed determination. "Our vacations are coming up soon, and then he'll _have_ to give in. There'll be no work to keep us busy, you see? We'll have to stare at each other all day, and if _that_ won't lead to sex, I don't know what will."

"Kurapika is never going to give in," Killua says, rolling his eyes. "You're talking about the guy who bought you an _engagement ring_ to finish an argument. If you're really the man in this relationship, as you like to say, _be one_ and just give it up. Kurapika won't even gloat that much; he's not like that. Then we can all have peace and quiet."

He hopes the words and his taunts will propel Leorio into action, but the other man's lips settle into a stubborn line.

Killua rubs his face.

***

Dealing with Leorio's mood swings and constant complaining was enough. Now, they've started bringing the mess into Gon and Killua's home.

Killua stares at the unexpected third occupant of their apartment. The visitor is scowling at his plate of curry as if the food has wronged him. Killua sighs. "It's all fun and games until you have to hide at your friends's place."

Kurapika glares hotly at him.

"Jeez," he mutters, "you can _tell_ he's not getting any."

"Killua," Gon says, setting his plate on the table. "Stop that."

"This is getting ridiculous," he says, and then pauses before adding, "Well... more ridiculous than it was before, and it was already pretty stupid." He plops down in his chair and digs in. "You're supposed to be the smart one. Why don't you just admit the bet was a dumb idea and knock it off?"

Kurapika rolls his eyes and shovels curry into his mouth so he won't have to answer.

"You guys are idiots," Killua says with finality. "Why are you here?"

The blond swallows. "Because Leorio is refusing to put on pants."

Killua blinks. "... Oh." It's hard not to laugh at the imagery.

"And Senritsu's present," Gon puts in. "Senritsu sent them a lot of--"

"A care package!" Kurapika interjects hastily. "She sent us a care package."

"Is that what they're calling it now?" Killua muses. "Look, it's almost Christmas Eve. Aren't you two going to do the whole dinner and evening out thing?" He shakes his head. "You guys are going to ruin your romantic holiday season if you keep this up."

"Killua's right," Gon adds. "You're in a terrible mood, Leorio is going crazy, you're both overworked as it is, and neither of you are wearing clothes in the apartment anymore!"

"It'll be over soon," Kurapika insists. "I just need to find a way to occupy myself in the meantime. I'm on vacation as of tomorrow, and Leorio took vacation next week."

Killua rubs his face again. It would be better if Leorio went on vacation first, but maybe a day alone in the apartment will encourage Kurapika to think about how moronic they're being. Maybe. He can hope.

"You could put up a Christmas tree," Gon suggests merrily.

Killua blinks at him.

"I could." Kurapika actually seems to be considering it, though probably because he will need to do something a little more physical than reading.

The blond leaves them a couple of hours later, and Gon turns to him. "Do you think they're going to stop this yet?"

Killua rubs his temples. "I hope so." He thinks for a moment. "Maybe we should call Senritsu and get her to talk some sense into them. Kurapika usually listens to her."

"I already did." Gon beams. "She said she'd call him tomorrow." He frowns. "She thinks this is funny."

"Because she doesn't have to live with it. Hey, what are we getting them for Christmas?"

"Don't know," Gon replies. "I was gonna ask you for ideas."

"... I've got one."

***

Kurapika is dividing his glaring equally between the portable phone and the newly decorated Christmas tree. The latter is the result of keeping himself busy, and it's only after he puts the star at the top that he realizes maybe, just maybe, he should swallow his pride and tell Leorio he gives up.

And Senritsu's phone call has _absolutely nothing_ to do with this decision.

He's still staring at the bright tree when Leorio comes in. The taller man drops his bag onto the couch and stares.

".... Huh."

Kurapika doesn't turn around. "You like it?"

"It's nice." A pause. "You were that bored, huh?"

He takes a deep breath, prepares to abandon his dignity and say--

"This bet is stupid and I can't take it anymore, you win."

Kurapika blinks and spins around. "Did you just give up?"

Leorio shifts, looking put out. "Yeah, so what?"

Maybe it's wrong, but after being forced to design a burgundy office, he's rather pleased to have won this round. He folds his arms and gives Leorio a considering look. "So, winner gets the loser to do whatever he wants, right?"

"Right," Leorio replies warily.

For a brief moment, he considers requesting that they change the office's color scheme to blue -- but that's just mean, even as a joke. So he just ends this whole thing with, "Then, I want you to do whatever you want to _me._ "

Which is evidently all Leorio needs.

The first time is less like lovemaking and more like a frantic scrambling for release, but the second time makes up for that.

***

When someone knocks on their door at seven o'clock, Kurapika is kind of annoyed because it's interrupting the morning sex he's having. But then Gon's muffled voice calls, "Hey, are you still having sex, because I need to talk to you," and Kurapika shoves Leorio off of him and races to the door, because Gon is so, so loud.

He grabs Leorio's dress shirt from the night before, which is draped over the back of the couch, and pulls it on before opening the door a crack. "What?" he asks.

Gon beams at him and rubs the back of his head. "Wow, you already look much better!" he says enthusiastically. "How many times did you guys do it last night? Because you--"

Kurapika pulls his younger friend inside and shuts the door. "Gon," he starts, pinching the bridge of his nose, "why do you have to tell the whole floor everything?"

Gon ignores him, waving to Leorio, who has just emerged from the room in his boxers. "You look better, too!" He reaches into his pocket and shoves an envelope into Kurapika's hands. "Here, it's your Christmas present from Killua and I." Without another word, he turns to go. "I'll let you get back to your sex. Bye!"

After the door shuts behind him, Kurapika and Leorio exchange looks.

"Sometimes," Leorio says, "I swear there's something not right with that one."

Kurapika makes an affirmative noise, and glances down at the envelope.

***

"You think sending them to a beach house for a weekend was a good idea?" Gon asks. He flips their pancakes.

Killua laughs. "All I know is that we're sending them away -- and after the past few weeks, that's all I want."


End file.
